Toys, toys, toys: Adding Sex Toys to Your Sexual life
When it comes to sex toys, most people admit to feeling at least a little intimidated; whether it’s the size, the vibration settings, the colour, the shape, or even the endless list of materials and types of stimulation. Add to that the flood of options from countless brands and websites, and it’s no wonder clients often ask: Where do I even begin? And then there’s the vulnerable part – how do you bring up with your partner that you’d like to add toys into your shared experiences?
As sex therapists, we hear these questions all the time. That’s why we’re here to break down some of the most common myths we’ve heard, share some truths, and offer you guidance on where to start—including exploring ways to experience mutual affection with LELO’s couples’ toys.
1. Will adding a sex toy make my partner think they’re not doing things right? (Answer: false!)
Nope! Sex toys are a fun and easy way to ensure your sexual routine doesn’t become…well, a routine. One of the most important and top qualities that characterizes great sex is risk-taking and exploration. Sex toys can be an excellent way to bring in exploration and risk-taking within a safe context, particularly if more intense type of sexual activity or multiple partners aren’t up your alley!
2. How can I ask my partner I want to look at toys together or even just use them?
There’s no right way to do this and this will come down to your individual style! Some things we suggest to try are: mentioning one of your friends or something you read talked about sex toys, mentioning something you saw in porn (yes, there is porn that uses toys!), or you can do a bit of a surprise and bring in a toy into the bedroom and ask in the moment, sometimes the heat of the moment can make a partner more comfortable with saying yes and already feeling in the mood! In addition, there are some benefits from adding sex toys: studies show partners who use toys communicate more often but also have better communication, both inside the bedroom and out. In the bedroom, it actually increases the ability to ask for what you need and like!
3. Where do we even look for toys?
Oh so many places! Sometimes, it may feel easier to look online first - there are both benefits and drawbacks to this. While it creates ease to look online, websites can be overwhelming due to the vast amount of toys that are on there. We often recommend making a date afternoon of it and go look together! Find sex toy stores in your area that are inclusive and well-known, those usually employ individuals who are comfortable with sexuality and help put you at ease as you look around and maybe have questions! Going together can make it less intimidating but also more fun - choosing something that appeals to both/all partners can create more of a thrill as well as a bit of a sexual tease!
If you’re looking online, we highly recommend Pink Cherry if you’re in Canada (https://www.pinkcherry.ca/) or Adam & Eve (https://www.adameve.com/). [neither of these websites are sponsored].
Don’t be intimidated and make it fun! Look around, read reviews, and think of it as a game rather than taking it too seriously. Sex toys are all about fun, so should shopping for them!
